Where’s my (published) stuff?

Drawing, (c) Conboy-Hill 1968

Drawing, (c) Conboy-Hill 1968

Here it is; fiction, life writing and the like.

(For neat little excerpts, go here (Facebook page); for academic factual, go here)

Emily Buckingham and the Major’s Madam’, Ether Books, September 2014.  Mrs Wilberforce, fending off the attentions of her visitor and bending forwards in an attempt to field the low grasps of his hands, while also pulling at the leg of her outfit, was reversing into the street, presenting a set of cheeks such as might be seen in an exotic zoo. 7269 words in the fine spirit of farce. A paid download.

Fishing for Readers, a discussion of opening lines in Flash Fiction Chronicles, October 2014.

‘Copied Right Readwave, 02/08/14.  Something odd was happening. The air had been tingling for days; fizzing when he wafted his hand across his face, and just lately leaving a faint after-glow in its trail’ 

Eight Days of Ether flash competition, June 2014. All free downloads, max 500 words.

1. Theme #Adventure. The space between thinking and doing. A door opens in the space between thinking and doing and a young woman steps through. Her body has no shape, her head is empty, her eyes are pale and dilute.

2. Theme #Hats. Pretending not to see. When Jodie put on her magic hat, she became invisible …She ran, crawled, dived, and shot enemies.

3. Theme #Time. When. When you don’t have any left because something in you stopped working. When you have too much and it hangs like wet blankets in your head and over your eyes. When someone steals it by gossiping …

4. Theme #Desire. Where Things Come From. Chocolates – dark and bitter and containing surprises such as a chilli-coated scorpion or a gingered locust

5. Theme #Risk. The People Indoors. Boring,’ says The Charlie. He’s The Paul’s opposite but the upshot is the same, pulling the decision away from absolute certainty back to something more lively. He rarely has any ideas of his own though, these are Carole’s prerogative.

6. Theme #Tragedy. When you can’t go onAwards ceremony. Posh frock; pale peach …

A very cheap shot, this one! When the clear impetus was towards difficult human experiences, I only heard The Bee Gees[1]. It’s a 22 worder and, ladies, you’ll know what I’m saying! [1] Tragedy – in case you’re so very, very young http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPcsMMEMbfw

7. Theme #Family. Daniel’s Level. ‘The army? Him?’ Jacqui is stunned. Sophie though, is intrigued. Steve doesn’t look army, he looks – gamey.

8. Theme #Song and Dance. Dark brown voices, buttons and bows. We’re in Jackson, me and Jude, for the show. I have a two-day beard and my feet hurt like hell. I sling them up on the table and lean back.

 

‘How the Fat Fairies Saved the World’ Zouch Magazine, May 26th, 2014. Coincidentally – or maybe not – published at the exact GMT time of the event: Then, at about half past seven on a Monday morning (Greenwich Meantime, naturally), a huge invisible energy net, formed of particles so exotic they hadn’t even been assigned their own letter of the Greek alphabet, swept around the world, gathering up large moving objects and scanning them as it went, as if they all had bar codes. 1257 words

‘Cover Art’, Full of Crow, May 21st, 2014. Have you heard of anthropodermy? ‘I used chicken skin to begin with because of its ready availability, but I was soon dissatisfied with it for that very reason, as it dampened my enthusiasm for the end results.’ Probably not for the squeamish. 493 words

Frozen Fireworks’, Readwave, February 6th, 2014. The last real day is bright and brilliant with a sky full of clotted clouds that tumble along like cream puffs in the thickening air. When the storms break, they cast scaled and feathered flying things down onto the sand, and the sand begins to swim like wet concrete around them. 292 words

‘Level Playing’, Readwave, February 6th, 2014. ‘Lag messing with the rendering, that’s what’s doing it. Power diversions to the SinCity sim, I’ll bet.’ 682 words

No Animals Were Harmed‘, Every Day Fiction, November 21st, 2013. “Thank you for disengaging sensory dampers and keeping your emotional reactivity processors operational; the audience is paying to experience your dysfunction. The first episode will go live in 5 – 4 – 3 …”. 997 words

‘Silent Noise’, is an experimental piece using only dialogue. 23rd August, 2012. Whose eyes are Devil’s eyes, Phil? don’t tell her keep it secret we’ll know ho ho say it lo Secret.Tell me about the secret.It proved unsuitable for competition or print due to the slightly interactive nature of the format and so it is here on the blog. 533 words

Speckles in the Sky‘, This Personal Space, May 11th, 2013. The man was coming into view feet first: trainers, track suit bottoms, and finally a T shirt with Grey Power printed across the front. The rest of him was rather blurred, and what’s more she could see dark speckles in the sky. Written for a friend’s retirement, Speckles is published  with her permission. 803 words 

Dog Day’Ether Books, October 16th, 2013. Within the hour, all four were done up like dogs’ dinners, installed in a stretch limo with cheesy piped music, and deposited in front of a gilded reverend of questionable denomination. This is a 69p download for smartphones.  2111 words

Puddles like Pillows’,  Zouche Magazine, August 28th, 2013. After a while, with the streets and parks getting less cluttered, it started to look as if some cosmic recycler had dropped by to tidy us up. So then people stopped using the bins and just hung about with their cameras waiting for their banana skin or whatever to take off. 984 words. Finalist in the 2014 Lascaux Short Story competition and now in the anthology Wonderful! 

Cat Nav is out on podcast, August 5th, 2013, read by the wonderful Folly Blaine who pronounces ‘prestidigitator’ so you don’t have to. 999 words

Oars for Legs’, Full of Crow, July 2013. It’s very embarrassing to have a spasm in the middle of a – how shall we say – romantic interlude. Even more so when you have succeeded in trapping your paramour by the genitals and pinned him up against the wall. Cerebral palsy can be a bugger sometimes. 278 words

No Arrests in 2039′ out on podcast, read by the very talented Folly Blaine. A flash story about driverless taxis and a local council’s inventive approach to managing its crime statistics. You might want to take the bus after this.

Dance to the Wild Ice’. In Lancaster university MA programme anthology, June 25th, 2013. Set in the same world as ‘All the Birthdays’. When Izzy’s eyelids got burned off, she had to watch all the time without blinking – apart from the frog-lick that slides across side-to-side, but you can see through that so there’s no escape and she’s been watching since Jinty started making the dance. 788 words

All the Birthdays’, Lascaux Flash Competition, March 6th 2013. Also in FlashFlood, April 19th, 2013 When the spirits dance, you have to dodge out of the way and cover your head so they don’t hiss sharp into your ears or quick-grab your tongue. Mostly though, you have to keep your eyes open … 245 words

‘Stardust, Sunshine, Leeds, & LA’Ether Books, February 15th, 2013. If your dad has dementia and your days are filled with World War II, escape into a virtual world and cybersex with an avatar is just the ticket – isn’t it? Download the app for iPhone (android in beta & coming soon) so you can read on your phone. 3629 words

Accounting for Nitwits‘, Every Day Fiction – January 21st 2013. Lady Isadora has just been elected President of an upper crust rose growers’ society: “I’ll even be overseeing all those absolutely fascinating little spreadsheet things.” My smile is fixing, like acrylic paint on a garden gnome. “They do all the work for you, of course, you just twiddle them a bit.”  995 words

Red is for Go’Roadside Attractions – 22nd October, 2012. “‘Which one of us died?’  ‘He did. Back then.’ ‘And now?’ She looked up at the ceiling, at the bright carriage lights that cast unforgiving shadows under the sleep deprived eyes of its hot-desking passengers … ” Now on Readwave  2619 words

The Wild Rose and the China Doll‘, Full of Crow – 17th October. 2012 . “On a frozen beach, brown waves thundering under a gritty pier and a grittier sky, God got his own back and I burst, sparkling, into life.” 699 words

Cat Nav‘ Every Day Fiction - September 24th, 2012. “Now you’ll stay in at night,” Joe told Houdini, the big, orange, cantankerous-looking tabby he was trying to stuff into a carrier. Not flippin’ likely, said Houdini, although of course he didn’t because he was a cat … 999 words

The Justice Box  Ether Books September 2012. “Jesus loves her, Jesus loves her, Jesus loves the murdering bitch.’ Emmy chuckles to herself in that private way only people whose heads are somewhere else can do. She hunches up on the bed and grabs her knees; pulling them up to her chin, and hugging them like babies. ‘Pretty boys,’ she says; and bites into her knee cap.” Also on This Personal Space, 16th October, 2012.  2574 words

‘Baby Bird’ Read Short Fiction – September 4th, 2012. I keep thinking we should have left it to die, you know, rather than do what we did. Seal it back up, let it go wherever it was going, let someone else find it, not us. 1500 words

Five Shades for Greg’ is up on the Ether Books Olympic flash competition August 4th – 10th (midday UK time). What’s it about? You have to ask? Greg powered in to take Bronze in the downloads competition so THANK YOU downloaders! He’s still there, along with a couple of other tales, and there’s an Android app coming out soon. Check here. 652 words

‘A very particular view‘, out on Roadside Attractions, July 23rd, 2012. Ever wondered how the universe works? Here’s your answer. Now on Readwave 677 words

If it ain’t broke …’ another Indie on This Personal Space, May 20th, 2012 and now very pleased to announce its availability as an iPhone/iPod download from Ether Books, 12/07/12. There’s a great deal of effort going into the prevention of disabilities, including Down’s Syndrome. But not everyone with DS sees that as a benefit so what would happen if you had the choice to go back and change your own DNA? Robert has to make up his mind. 1362 words

‘Stardust, Sunshine, Leeds, and LA’ Part of my ‘Summer Sale’ and out on This Personal Space, July 2nd 2012. Stardust Silverwobbit cast a critical eye over her outfit – head to this side, head to that – pink suspenders? No, not tonight. She ditched the pink suspenders … 3629 words

‘Introducing George’ Creative non-fiction published in Miaow 76, newsletter of the Cat Special Interest Group (SIG) of British Mensa, Summer 2012. Excerpt: ‘Let me introduce you to George. I’d like to say he’s the only one with a smile but, frankly, they all look like they’d have your hand off if you fed them after midnight and got them wet. Oh wait – somebody obviously did that …

Philosopher Stoned’ and ‘Kitchen Forensics’ Read at SWAG’s ‘Oscar’s Oscars’ night, May 18th 2012, as part of the West Sussex Writers spot. Live. Scary? You betcha! Both stories are here on the blog.

Fete Accomplice’ out on Ether Books July 25th, 2012 as a paid download for iPhones/iPads. Also as an Indie on This Personal Space, April 22nd, 2012. Marissa Nalletamby, married with two children, starts to have romantic dreams about a man she barely knows. Is it an affair if she never actually meets him? And why is his dream-self getting younger?  5997 words

‘A Tale of Two Sixties’ Zouche Magazine & Miscellany. In Essays, 11th October 2011. My own experience of making the move from the north of England to the south in 1967. If the phrase ‘It’s grim up North’ resonates with you, think what it might have been like 40+ years ago without colour TV, a motorway, mobile phone, and internet communication to bring other ways of life to us. The psychedelia of Brighton and the unstructured life of an art student could not have been more different. 1472 words

‘Arthur’s Stone’ Full of Crow - October 2011. A snapshot of life with a man who has autism. 709 words

No Arrests in 2039′  Every Day Fiction, 7th September 2011. A bit of SF here but with some extraordinary science in the offing that makes it a chilling possibility. 851 words

‘Lovely Girls  The Other Room Journal, 19th August 2011. This is the first piece I think of as literary. You may not, of course! It’s about the bleak life of a woman with cerebral palsy in a 1960s institution for people with learning disabilities – mental handicap, as it was known. Now on This Personal Space following the demise of TORJ. 1999 words

When Glorious Eyes Close’ Hazard Cat, 28th February 2011. Always room for a bit of cat schmaltz. 261 words

‘Moonrise’, Every Day Fiction, January 2011. Inspired by the unfortunate experience of a friend. It’s fiction, really it is303 words

‘Promotion’, PowFastFiction, October 2010. Now on the blog. First proper publication; thanks Karen [*!] Sadly, Pow Fast is no longer publishing. 485 words

‘Rory’s Tie’ in: Dog Days of Summer, Michael J Solender (ed),  September 2010. My first competition entry. The task was to write in 101 words, a story containing the words ‘summer’ and ‘heat’. If you know anything about dogs, you’re ahead of the crowd. I suspect many readers were not and may remain baffled to this day. 101 words

‘Fundamentally Wrong’ Boomunderground, 2009. A fictionalised account of the challenge of choosing underwear in today’s vast emporia of vestigial foundation garments. 842 words

‘Baby and Me’ The Psychologist, 1999 12(1). Volumes of The Psychologist have recently been archived. Hopefully this link points to a PDF that is accessible to non-members. ‘Baby and Me’, about my struggles with early computers, is in the Lighter Side section and so qualifies for this blog rather than the brain-achingly sciencey one.


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